EXPAT ISSUE: WORKING WITH NARCISSIST

 

I feel really great to finally get my fingers busy typing this post, though, the topic is kinda hard  or somewhat annoying but the thoughts of blogging again excites me the most!!! So here we go!!

Been in kuwait for more than 15 years   or exactly 20  (this year).. oh wow!! Time flies so fast!!  Such great years of my stay in kuwait  large percentage of it are being invested  at work and gaining that experience and knowledge to land the position of where  I am right now, although, I still have  many things to accomplish but ey!!  It’s not easy to be here!!

Moving forward,  for the past 15 years of my career working  in a diverse industries getting along with different race and ethnicity ,  I am able to pursue goals, create my name,  work with ease  even on the hype of different levels of pressure and stress, I get used to the corporate game  well, I thought I did…..

I actually quit my job few months ago,  I never ever thought that a person like me who’s gifted with so much patience, talent and deep understanding of humanity  needs to back out to find myself over again,

My last company ( I don’t need to mention name) was the worst I’ve ever worked with, I mean, there’s no perfect company everyone always have something to complain about anything but at the end of the day ,we can all agree that working as an expat in Kuwait requires extensive planning before jumping from one company  to another as we need to secure our residency before anything else. But in my case,  I quit without plans as I need to pull myself from losing it and drowning, the work and the environment itself  is soooooo toxic at the highest level.

I was part of the pioneer team, we established the company from scratch something I worked my heart and best to it, eventually,  the company started to grow and nailed its name in the market, it was indeed a company so positive and active at the beginning we aspired to create a great team and culture within, however, a year after, share-holders decided to hire more people as we need help to fully establish the company as it continuous to cater greater possibilities,  upper management decided to hire someone without doing any background check a mere recommendation from someone close,  "the newly hired" we all thought can make a significant changes in the company turn out to be a monster in disguise, a full grown NARCISSIST. , its funny how I saw a lot of tiktok post about working with narcissist I actually shrug it off and thinking that, even at the slightest chance there's no way a person like that exist, but indeed, it was the most stressful and horrific moments of my career,

Working with such person is like working with the devil, he will provoke, lies, manipulate and confidently flaunt his name to anything even to the extent of grabbing the works of others, he blames and don’t take responsibilities of anything, worst is that, he’s bringing the company down due to his lack of experience and knowledge on the field yet he knows how to speak and turn things into his favour.

 I guess, we all fall to the trap, he was given one of the crucial position in the company and sitting close with the partners and months after given the position, everything turn into nightmare, we never expect to be working with a extreme narcissist, well, I am not in the position to diagnose one but to experience first-hand I can’t stop myself looking for facts, research to actually understand the person and narcissist personality/disorder fits him well. 

It’s hard to imagine that in years of working, I became a brutal victim of a NARCISSIST; it was dreadful, stressful, discriminating and toxic working in that company. it’s like,  every day I have to prepare for a battle which I know I cannot win,  I may be part of the management team but to stand alone against a narcissist is super tiring  and  they will exhaust all your energy to the point of losing yourself on the process.

At the beginning, I tried to slave to all the demands and procedures, but as an experienced and professional in the field, it’s easy for me to observe and take noticed if one really has the quality and the impact to take control of all aspect of the business. Sadly, I was the first line of attack simply because I’m Asian and I speak my mind, every NARCISSIST do not like someone who go against them or better than them, they will destroy whoever they feel is blocking their way, they don’t care if their actions create chaos or downfall of the company, they are selfish, self-centered and excessive liar.

But I am grateful that I no longer part of that company and had moved on, being expat especially in Kuwait, we feel helpless knowing that we hardly find support from any agencies to help us on the issues such as this, so my take and my advice to those who are on the same situation are the following:

1.)Stay Calm and Control yourself

Narcissist loves to provoke and bully, they have the tendency to bring out the worst version of you, stay in control of yourself, your emotions, be calm and stay professional (grace under pressure)

 

2.) Find someone to confide,  do not curb all your frustrations

Find someone you can trust and confide all your feelings to release all the tension, let it out, don’t hide it alone.

 

3.) Have a BALANCE in Life : as you go out of work leave everything behind, always create a space in between work and home

 

4.) Stay focus and keep a good trail of your work

One of many things that frustrate a NARCISSIST is knowing that someone better than them, and trails of evidence supporting against their lies and manipulations, keep everything in writing and in detailed

 

5.)  Find Support within the company

Find someone you can trust and confide,  Narcissist are great manipulator and they take control of everything and everyone, but there is always that one person whom you can confide everything and  will be able to connect with the right people to  help you with.

 

6.)  Prioritize your health more than anything else, Never let work destroy your health both mentally and Physically, Remember:  Company can trash and replace you in any moment you no longer relevant to them.

 

7.)  Find new opportunity, always have the PLAN B, you don’t need to settle yourself for less, know your worth and move forward with integrity

Self Help : How to be a Smart Expat

It’s very hard to be an expat, far from your love ones, living away from your comfort zone, holding yourself to speak because of so much hesitation not to be understood, adjusting into the food which does not suit to your taste buds, new rules, new life, new environment and new YOU!! 

Time flies so fast and honestly, I still have the hang of questioning myself how did I survive??? 

It’s tough!!! I mean, really hard to live in foreign land, to compete with other expats, to find your spot in the corporate world and curbing all your emotions for survival.  Yet I was able to live a life in Kuwait for more than 12 years, Yep!!!! I’ve stayed long enough yet every moment I am here is giving so much be thankful for, I was able to build my dreams, myself and my family. 

And with that, I’m going to share how to live a life in a foreign land, better as” HOW TO BE A SMART EXPAT”

Before that, I would like to mention that I do not have any professional certificates in relation to this article, I’m not an expert, all  I have is the experiences which I am willing to share especially those who are in the MIDDLE EAST.

How to be a SMART EXPAT

1.)    Be a good Citizen 

Every country has Laws that needs to be followed, Some rules might be the same with our home country but regardless of that, the moment we entered into a foreign country we are bound to abide the laws .

Being a foreigner is somewhat an advantage and disadvantage, for us “Filipinos", we came to work not for pleasure, it is very important for us to be aware of the standards, Being smart is not just by pretending to be one you have to fill your brain the essential information.
LAWS are made to protect and keep us all safe.

Abide the rules, act what is expected of us, dress and live according to the rules of the country

2.)   Be Nice 

Whether we like it or not, we have to live and work with different nationalities, it’s very seldom we can automatically adopt to the routine but most of the time we need to leap a huge step to embrace the new environment and people.

Leave all your frustrations at home, maintain professionalism and be nice even if you don’t feel like smiling, I can assure you it will be your first weapon to success…. Be Nice!!

3.)   Reach out and Have Friends 

One of many reasons we find it hard to let go and leave our home country is because of the people we love, letting go involves so many hard emotions and sadness makes the most part of it.

Being an expat doesn’t limit you from reaching out to others, there are many groups or communities who are very much willing to accept and get to know new members, do not hesitate to join and mingle with fellow expats. In time, you’ll find your perfect buddy.

We all need companion, someone we can talk, and someone we can rely on. So go ahead and reach out!! 

4.)   Always remember the very reason why you are in a FOREIGN LAND 

As I quoted before, we all have our reasons of leaving our country

Always keep that reason/s in your in mind and in your heart, use that as a motivation to make a plan in reaching your goals. 

In my many years as an expat, I met people and get to know their stories, most of the time I felt very much disappointed knowing that many had taken a different side of the road perhaps a SHORTCUT, I understand that it’s very tempting to just let go of our principles and accept whatever it is that comes easily.  YOU REAP what you SOW, Many of my fellow expats had ruined their marriage just to make things easy, totally neglected the very reason why they have to leave their country.  

Is it worthy to ruin your family/marriage for financial security??? 

Is it right to commit adultery just because you are lonely and needed to fill the gap??!

Have you ever think of your dignity in exchange for a job you been dreaming of??? 

“NO CHOICE” is the constant excuse I’ve heard, needless to say, that from the time we are born the right to live and the right to choose is already given to us, we have the mind to think and the heart to decide, every aspect of our lives is surrounded by choices it’s all up to us which path we have to take. So don’t give that DAMN excuse that you have NO CHOICE!!!  

5.)    Choose your Friends Wisely 

This is not to say that you discriminate people who don’t live up to your level of expectations,  but simply chose the person you would like to be associated with, 

Being away from our love ones enable us to feel the need for someone to cover the gap of loneliness and that lead just to desperation.

Our desperation to find a stranger to be our friend can sometimes drag us down or bring us into our goal.

My point is, we can be friends with anyone but keep someone who have the same goals and can influence you into a better you.

6.)    Value your hard work not the Money

Most of us dream of having a lifelong financial stability 

Notice how the world transformed into a money worshiped society, fame is money and Money is happiness. 

We are willing to sacrifice ourselves even our family by being far from each other just to earn and provide a better lives.

And Yes I must admit, I like money especially for shopping and anything alike, but the more I aged the more I see the deeper side of life. More hard work, More Money
   

Try this, Every time you shop think about YOUR hard work, the TIME you have invested to earn and not the money, 

For each time you shop or invest something ask yourself, is this worthy to spend the long hours of hard work? Is it worth the toil???

Value your hard work, Make every expense worth every sweat, time and tears.

7.)   Enjoy life but Know your Limit

Take advantage of the beautiful things a foreign land can offer, visit public places, try new delicacies, go shopping, buy gadget but spend wisely and know your limits.

There’s no better way to fight the boredom than to enjoy life. Find your passion and enjoy every moment of it

There is no shortcut to life, every moment is a destiny in a making. Life should not or should never be complicated so let’s make it simple!! 

Always remember that, we are blessed to be where we are right now so make the best of it. 

Be productive, hold on to your goals and make it happen. BE A SMART EXPAT