Dear Self... Anonymous Sender..

Thank you for sending this mail to me and for giving me the permission to post.... I do hope you'll be better and finally find your purpose in life... you're a great person and please write more!!

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Dear Self,

It’s been a while, you and I had been partners for as long as I can remember, when I was young I thought I am not able to survive but things had completely changed even the way I think and the way I accepted life as it comes

Lately, things had been tough for both of us, while you tried to balance me with the reality and imagination, I on the other hand started to process a very low self-esteem and it’s affecting our relationship, you want me to be better while I wanted to just let go and die, should I be worry?? 

 I’ve been through a lot of pain and struggles but I really don’t know what happen to me this time… it’s like a bomb, I wanted to explode from within!!!  I wanted to face the reality but it seems so hard, I’m lost in the shadow of my existence….

I wish, I can say I’m ok but deep within you know what I feel, it hurt so much that it pumps so fast….. I hope I’ll be ok…. I hope this feelin of emptiness will soon be filled with happiness and contentment, it’s my fault for allowing myself to feel such kind of emotions, and I failed to recognize the consequences..

So Dear Self, I hope you’ll be kind to me, I need you to be ok, I need you to stop all the non-sense, I need you to heal, I need you to be happy and finally accept that such feeling comes with pain, I want you to cry and to mourn, I want you to say good bye, to say enough, to say no more…. I want you to find the light, to find that something …. To find that reason to live!!! 

I’m sorry self for being rough, I have nothing but you.. So please stay strong!!!

Anonymous….

Cruel to be Kind…

When I was in college, I always heard this line from one of my fave teacher, I’m not going to mentioned his name as I know I have followers from my college buddies and it will damage my name bwahahahaha… kidding!!! Well, perhaps, no one really understand the style of teaching and discipline because he is indeed cruel but for one, such kind of approach had thought me to be always prepared and be good in everything I do, he was like the Simon Cowell of our school, he do not hesitate to speak his mind even if it hurt you down to your bones….. 

So going back to the topic, I never understood why he keeps on saying “SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO BE CRUEL TO BE KIND” every end of his class but now, I really do!! 

I’ve been working my whole life after graduation been into different companies but one thing is common in my experience is the “ABUSE of Goodness” …yep!! We all have that goodness in our heart as we are all created equal with emotions and we also have that tendency to abuse others especially when you feel they’re very nice ( ahem….!!! Have you???) , 

I once, had an officemate who is newly hired in the company and at that moment, I feel that I have to extend my help to her since, we both are in the same country and I’ve been in the same situation when I was just starting in the company, so I offer to drive her home and from then is history.

I’ve offer her once and it continue to every day and whenever she wants and eventually, asked me to take her as well in the morning to come to work for the reason she could not find any transportation,(by the way, the company is giving her  allowance to pay for the transportation) at first I feel it’s ok to help because she needed that but sooner than I thought, I’ve been abused, I was in denial, telling myself it’s ok but in my heart I’m in total disbelief wanting her to just vanish!!! I do not have that courage to tell her that I’m not comfortable with the situation (I know, I’m pathetic!!!)  

Until one day, while giving her a ride home she started story telling about her family and her kids and end up asking me a favor to barrow some cash…. (Can you believe it??!) , she was just 1 month in the company, having a free ride and now, she wanted to barrow money???!  At that moment, the only lines I can remember is “ SOMETIMES you have to be cruel to be KIND”, it gives me the strength to just let go of my emotions and immediately say NO to her and honestly, it feels really really really good!!!  

For the first time in my life, I feel free and not obligated to always be good to others, I’m not saying we have to be literally cruel but find that balance and learn to say NO when it is needed, BE CRUEL TO BE KIND!!  And guess, what happen to me and my officemate, we become normal officemates with no commitment, hi and hello is enough and I can deal with that all my life!!! Period!! 

Being nice is a commitment to stay the same, it’s a process of long patience and believing in one solid golden rule: “Don’t do unto others, what others don’t want to do unto you” but always always always find that balance in your heart and in your mind, learn to say NO when it is needed…

TILL THEN… HAVE A GREAT DAY EVERYONE!! AND REMEMBER TO BE CRUEL TO BE KIND!!

Weak-end....! literally weak!

This is one of the most tiring day of my life, it feels like drop down to the floor head first, I’m tired, I’m sick and it’s killing me in every  minute I sat on my desk waiting for the last 1 hour to finally out my butt in this lonely room….

I hate it when its summer, the temperature is high, it breaks my skin and nerves to pieces!! , I hate it when it dust specially when I have a  flu, … wish I’m home, curbing my pain in the comfort of my blanket and soft pillow…. Arrrrrrgggggg…… strengthen me oh Lord!

WISEMUMMY LIKE THIS....!